Ginger

Dear Birth Mom,

Hi! My name is Ginger. I’ve been looking forward to writing this letter to you for a long time. I’ve always dreamed of having my own family and having a child to share my love and life with and have always carried within me a soft spot in my heart for an adoptive child. Even at a very young age, I used to tell my mom that even if I were to have biological children I’d also like to adopt.

I would like to give you a glimpse into who I am as far as my personality and beliefs. I feel just a little shy about using a bunch of adjectives talking about myself, so I decided to give you a peek into who I am from several of my friends who know me best: “ I would describe Ginger’s personality as very open, bubbly, talkative, fun, warm, great sense of humor, and down to earth. She has a natural way of making people feeling very comfortable right off. She is the person I most trust to talk with about confidential matters because I know she will not violate my trust. Ginger lifts up my spirits when I’m around her.”

The following are some comments my friend Tricia said, “Ginger is most tender, patient and loving with children. It’s obvious to me that she adores them in that she really notices them in a room and goes out of her way to talk and laugh with them. She has always had a very nurturing side. Through her natural affection for children, she embraces them with love and ease. Children seem to feel her love and find her very approachable, safe, and warm.”

I also thought it would be helpful for you if I were to tell you a little bit about my growing up and where I’m coming from and also where I am at right now in my life. I grew up in a rural area and was fortunate to have a loving family and never suffered and abuse. I don’t come from money, but my parents were very hard working honest people, and we always had enough money to be comfortable with all the necessities. I had a happy childhood and have fun with my siblings even though some of them were several years older than I was.

But, of course, it wasn’t all perfect. I had my struggles as do a lot of children do growing up. I did go through a shy and awkward stage when I was in grade school and wore thick eyeglasses when they weren’t fashionable like nowadays. Back then I was skinny, knock-kneed, a bookworm, shy, nerdish, ultra sensitive, and got teased a lot. When I got old enough, around 12-years old, I started working in the cornfields and cherry orchards, helping my brother with his paper route sometimes riding my bike around dodging barking dogs. And then in later years, I worked at a hamburger place. I also worked as a sales clerk and did waitressing, sometimes two jobs at a time. I earned enough money and bought contacts to replace my thick eyeglasses and would read Teen magazines to try to learn to be more fashionable.

To fast forward…through a lot of effort, I overcame most of my shyness and became very outgoing and became confident and flourished in my teenage years. I was extremely involved as a cheerleader for five years in middle and high school years and would go to out-of-state competitions where our squad did very well. So I know what it feels like to be on both sides of the fence. My goal was always to be friendly to all classmates, and I think it’s fair to say I was. I never had a desire to snob anyone. I knew from personal experience how that felt. I think these experiences will help me to understand and always be there for my child as she/he sorts out the good and bad in her/his life.

I’m actually glad I went through those stages that were such a struggle at the time, for the struggles gave me deeper insight and sensitivity towards those surrounding me. I’ve gone through some deaths in my life and other personal disappointments and know the feeling of deep sorrow where I felt like I had to inch my way out of it.

As I have found it to be in life, it seems like the most difficult struggles I’d have to survive ended up being the ones I grew the most from and gained the most wisdom from and deepened my compassion.

My life experiences will be helpful in my parenting a child because as she/he goes through her/his struggles whether it is being teased at school or something more serious, I’ll have greater empathy and be not only her/him advocate as a mom but her/his friend, and together we will come up with a plan to help her/him grow through those challenges.

I have developed some talents over the years and have been involved in a lot of different activities in which I look forward to sharing with her/him. For instance, if she/he wanted to take piano lessons or dance lessons, I know I could help her/him with her/him practicing. But I would never force her/him to take something that she/he was not interested in. I would want her/him to develop hobbies and talents that she/he loves. Whatever her/his interests are, I will make sure she/he has an opportunity to pursue her/his dreams.

Later after graduation I was in college and ended up being a court reporter for all these years. I’ve worked long and hard as a court reporter. I have to say it’s not been easy, and I almost bit off more than I could chew. But I’ve learned so much from court reporting. It’s taught me to be a very organized and responsible person. I have good work habits. I now have a lot of seniority and have been able to position myself in a much lighter court assignment which will allow me the opportunity to give your child all of the love, nurturing, and care that she/he will need.

Through my job, I have excellent medical and insurance benefits that will cover her 100% through 25-years of age (if she’s still in college.) I look forward to sharing my knowledge and life experiences with my child. I look forward to experiencing life through her/his eyes, ears, and heart.

I’ve done a lot of traveling domestically, and I’ve been to 11 foreign countries. I will teach her/him and share with her about different countries and cultures and hopefully be able to take her/him to many of these same places.

I have been very involved in my church, sometimes more than others. I’m a convert in my church on my own choice. I’m the only one in my immediate family. My family growing up wasn’t into going to church and wasn’t affiliated with any church, but it was always important to me so I went on my own when I was a very young girl. I will be sure to go with her/him to church; although, I do not believe in forcing one’s religion on their children. I believe in being an example and inspiration but not preaching to them and being angry if they don’t feel the same way.

I’m very young at heart. People seem to enjoy being around me. It’s in my heart to bring out the best of them. I like to lift people’s spirits up whenever I can. People don’t care so much what we say but it’s how they feel around us. They don’t usually remember the words, but they do remember how they felt. My main goal in life is simple, and that is to be loving.

Now to get back to some more of my history so that you can get to know me a little bit better. Even though I’ve always wanted to marry, that blessing just hasn’t happened for me in my life. I have had a few opportunities for marriage, but knew in my heart it was not the right match. I am cautious and selective and will only marry if it’s the right match for the baby and myself in the future. I do hope to be married down the road, but my priority right now is the child.

In the past it has caused me deep sadness that I didn’t have children because that is what I wanted the most in life, but the last several years my enthusiasm and hope for adoption have prevailed over sadness. And I truly believe that adoption is God’s plan for me. I hope this has given you a glimpse into my personality.

I believe you’d be interested in learning about my immediate family. I have a wonderful extended family. All my siblings have been married, and I have lots of nieces and nephews. So your child would be surrounded with cousins and friends to play with from this really sweet group of very young children in my family.

When I was home for Thanksgiving, they were all around me at the end of the night, so I shared with them my hopes to adopt a child. They are usually very rambunctious and playing and running around the house; but they were all quietly listening to me and very interested. And then they asked me, “When do you get her/him” When do we get to meet her/him?” I told them I hope soon, but I don’t know when. They were so sweet and wanted to meet her/him. I even noticed one of the most sensitive little boys go and look in the mirror to see if a tear was showing. I know they felt the spirit of the moment. I know they would be inclusive with her and that she/he would get as much attention as they do. The child who becomes part of our family will be loved, nurtured, and treasured always and will be a very lucky child.

My yearning to be a mother and to make a difference in someone’s life has never ceased. I would have adopted earlier in my life, but I want to first be set up in the best situation possible for a child to flourish as I am now in.

I’ve given it a lot of thought, reading, and also have been taking classes on adoptive children and what I will tell your child about you. Your child will know that she/he is adopted and she/he will know how much you loved her/him. As she/he starts to ask questions about you, I will make sure that she/he knows that it was because of that love that you were able to allow someone else to love her/him, too.

I also know you may want to have letters and pictures of your child; and if that is your desire, I would be happy to do so. When she /he is much older and wants to meet you, perhaps late teens or young adult, I would be very supportive of her/him doing that.

I’m trying to put myself in your shoes and why you would place your baby with me. It all comes down to the love I possess and would share with your child. Also, I am in a position that I can give her/him all my attention and opportunities, but still have a good balance of friends around to help and also influence of a good solid extended family.

She/He will be the center of my universe. Each and every day I’ll be devoted to her well-being and safety. My being single I believe is a plus in many ways and not a hindrance. My attention and energy won’t be divided in a thousand different ways to meet the needs of other children and a husband.

I will be able to provide a solid foundation for her/his life in those crucial first years of life free from conflict and competition and laced with love, guidance, and lots of fun. She/He will be in a safe haven full of love and support for her/him to flourish.

My maturity, sensitivity, and conscientiousness will be a rich place for her/him to thrive. I believe one of the best gifts a mother can give to a child is self-reliance and set them free when the time is right. I’d never smother or limit her/him wonderment and enthusiasm for life. I’d encourage that, and I’d encourage her/him to make many friends. Even though it would be tempting to completely spoil her/him, I will not spoil her/him too much for that would handicap her/him. I understand the importance of self-reliance. Something I learned from my mother.

I believe that there is a time for everything, even though oftentimes things don’t happen when we want them to. I understand how challenging it can be for birth moms when it’s not a good time for them to be a mother. I believe this is my time to be a mother. I’ve been preparing for this my whole life and pray that you will feel comfortable in allowing me to raise your child.

I want to thank you for giving your baby the “gift of life” and your willingness to place her/him for adoption. I respect and honor your decision more than my words can express. The decision that you have made takes a lot of faith and courage and is in my mind one of the most unselfish acts a person can do.

Thank you for reading this letter of mine. I’d love to meet with you and get to know you. I feel like on some level I do understand what you’re going through and would like to be here for you.

With love and a prayer in my heart,

Ginger